"Don't shake the bed darlin'. . . Mommy's sick."

Yup, here I am once more- only this time my heart isn't hurting as it has for so many times in the past.  There's just a lack of pressure. Of anything. Strange.

Here's the back story:
The kids and I are going on a road trip. An epic road trip .A trip home. A trip I don't want to make. You see, my parents are preparing to move almost 1000 miles away. This move will place them both closer to us - in Mississippi, and my Sister's family. So the trip has been planned that I might allow my children one last visit to be a tourist in their own town. We will be going to the National Zoo, the Smithsonian, etc. I will be taking them on my favorite hikes. We will be seeing old friends one last time. Yet, all of that emotion is only a drop in the bucket. I have no desire to move back. I am happy that we no longer live there.

So what's the deal? Why? Why have I been put back on bed rest so suddenly? How can one phone call do that? If I only knew. For long time readers, my condition is still un-diagnosed. The last echo-cardiogram didn't see anything. *sigh*

Anyhooo.

So my father wants me to reconnect with my estranged brother for this trip. And that, lady's and gents, is what broke the proverbial camel's back . My blood pressure dropped through the floor. I couldn't find my pulse, I went  pale. I sat down. Bellbell walked me to bed and made certain I was tucked in with my faithful Mac (sorry- had to plug that one cos they rock). She's checked my pulse and it isn't getting any stronger. But there isn't any pain as there always has been in the past. No pressure in my chest. No fist hitting me from the inside out. Nothing.  I guess that has me worried.  Not "Let's run to  hospital!" worried. I'm a realist. I live in po-dunk, back water Mississippi. There's no Hospital within 100 miles that I would trust. I'm just wondering if this is a good thing or bad thing, this no feeling any pain thing. There, I'm rambling. A sure sign of being done with this post.

"When late morning rolls around and you’re feeling a bit out of sorts, don’t worry; you’re probably just a little eleven o’clockish."  ~Winnie the Pooh

Hello,
I'm going to stumble through this post more than just a small bit. As you can tell, I'm having a problem getting Blogger to agree with me as to the look of my blog. *hrumff* We'll work it out soon, though.

My kids are watching Shakespeare's Henry V with Mr. Shakespeare himself, Kenneth Branaugh .  Fantastic.

So, um, anyone here ever suffer from culture shock? Seriously. I never saw it coming. If we'd moved to another country, well. . . duh. But just a 1800 mile move within my country's own borders??? It hit me out of nowhere.  I never saw it coming.
It. Was. Horrible.
I lost my sanity for a period of months, and almost walked away from my marriage during that time.  I'm getting back to my new normal, and during this time, I'm made new. I've not spent too much of my time thinking on it really. I'm quite ashamed and embarrassed.

I would love to hear if any of you have come through this before? How did you cope? How long did it last?

Thanks




and in the meantime? A photo taken a week ago of my birthday present and Nolan(6yo) and Trevallion (3)

Been A Long Time...

Well, it has been nearly forever, and I'm not quite ready to start back blogging full time again, but....

I knew that changes were coming and change things they did!  Over the next few weeks  I will be making some changes here on the blog and updating you as to our lives and the "Careful what you wish for" life I've been living for a bit now.

As I emerge from my KooKooCrazyHead time,  I'll share it with you. (which is just strange in itself, don't you think?)

Afternoon Revelations

While shopping with the kids, an overzealous shop owner moved her arms wildly in the air to drive home a point. This caused my heart to skip a few beats, hurt as if a knife was scrapping inside it , and I slowly shuffled out of the store. Coming back home I received a concerned email note from a friend whom I've never met in person expressing concern for my health. =)
All this reminded me of how very fragile this shell in which I'm now living has become. But I have no fear of my future, I know where I will go when I can finally throw off this bag of bones like an old robe. In a wonderful, exciting, anticipatory look into my future I can not wait for the sweet day to come when I can go home!!!! =)
The Psalms
46
God Is Our Refuge and Strength
To the chief Musician for the sons of Korah, A Song upon Al'amoth.
1 God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore will not we fear,
though the earth be removed,
and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
3 though the waters thereof roar and be troubled,
though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof.
Selah.
4 There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God,
the holy place of the tabernacles of the Most High.
5 God is in the midst of her;
she shall not be moved:
God shall help her, and that right early.
6 The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved:
he uttered his voice, the earth melted.
7 The LORD of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our refuge.
Selah.
8 Come, behold the works of the LORD,
what desolations he hath made in the earth.
9 He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth;
he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder;
he burneth the chariot in the fire.
10 Be still, and know that I am God:
I will be exalted among the heathen,
I will be exalted in the earth.
11 The LORD of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our refuge.
Selah.
I'm not meaning to sound depressing at all, I just had this very peaceful revelation about my troubles here on earth and my awesome, glorious, and never ending future. I wanted to share it with my friends. This world is NOT my home, I'm just passing through. =)

Spring Time Thoughts

                                     As I look down the road of my life, I see a turn up ahead......

                                                                Good things yet to come

Our Thursday Afternoon

This was the week when Jungle Man went fishing with his friends, so I've kept the kids and I busy. Thursday was spent underground in Skyline Caverns near Front Royal, VA (one of the cutest small town ever to loose a battle with Walmart- but that's another post)

Big Brother Noah helped out by taking care of the boys and being an arm to Nana when she needed support. While I stayed with Trevor, Annabelle became the photographer for us. Here is her view of the caverns.

 First, she seems to have very much enjoyed the gift shop. (heehee)

OK- that last item there is not for sale. =)

From the shop, we walked  through a door, down some stairs and there we saw a pond, and a fireplace.

And then, we walked on into the cavern itself.

A great day spent spending our money locally.

The Ocean Over Me

I saw an image today that pierced through my soul and brought forth such longing as had been held back previously. To think, in an instant, that to not do something dangerous, something more, something brave, something stupid, I would die. My soul would wither away into itself and, like a plant gone too long without water, I would live the rest of my life as merely a husk. Something dry and empty.

As I sat there, in my cozy chair, a smile spread over my face and tears filled my eyes. The lines of Thoreau kept playing themselves in my head, "...that I had not lived. .. that I had not lived... that I had not lived." I want to feel the power of the earth move me. I want to stand on the bow of ship on a stormy sea and feel it tip and not know if I'll make it to the crest of the next wave. I want to run fast and long and feel my lungs burn, the wind in my face.

I want to break out of this life and these rules. I want to feel alive



(Sorry about the crappy stock photo. )

Monday Musings

I sometimes get the feeling that life is just too staid, too short, too small, too confined for the dreams I have. Yet, my dreams are not that big. Sometimes society and it's rules smother me.


“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life” ~Henry David Thoreau

Random Quote:

Nolan's (5yo) song to me this morning:

"Well I was boooorn, whenever we were mAAAried,
And the next daaaaay, it snowed.

You are the best mOTHer, in the whole world,
Because you doooooo, whatever I waaaaaant."

May all my children love me as selflessly. =)

~Heidi

Homeschooling Give Away!!!

I have a ~FREE~ Shirley Grammar Level 4 & Shirley Grammar Level 1 Homeschooling Kit up for grabs!
All I ask is that you pay shipping to you. Can you send this info on to someone who needs it? These Kits retail for $70, and I really don't want to just drop these off at Good Will.